When "I love you" Turns Violent: Relationship Violence

• Without exception, women's greatest risk of violence comes not from 'stranger danger' but from men they know, often male family members, husbands, and boyfriends.

• Around the world at least one woman in every three has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime, according to a report from the Johns Hopkins School of Public Health and the Center for Health and Gender Equity (CHANGE).

• According to former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop, "domestic violence is the number one health problem for American women, causing more injuries than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined."

Relationship violence can be physical, sexual, and/or emotional.

Emotional abuse = insults, name-calling, yelling, threats, humiliating partner in public or in private, isolating a partner from friends or family.

Frank tells Pam that she is not capable of doing anything right. He often calls her "stupid." When she does something for him, Frank usually finds something to criticize. He threatens to harm her, then contradicts himself, and blames her for hearing him wrong. Pam finally tells Frank that she is leaving the relationship, and Frank says, "leaving me proves that you always run away when you fail."

Physical abuse = hitting, pinching, shoving, restraining, destroying property, choking.

When Kathy becomes angry, she pinches and slaps Beth. Beth attempts to calm her down, but Kathy just becomes more enraged and punches Beth in the eye, which turns black and blue. Beth cannot find a way to tell anyone, and she feels trapped.

Sexual abuse = rape, unwanted sexual contact or comments, or any coercion or manipulation of a partner to engage in sexual conduct.

Jack and Tammy have been dating for six months. Jack often pressures Tammy into sexual intercourse even when Tammy has said she's tired and not in the mood. Jack often begins by touching Tammy all over, pleading with her. When she pushes him away, he says, "I thought you loved me? What's wrong with you?" She then complies out of feelings of guilt, shame, and helplessness-she doesn't want to end her relationship with him.

These behaviors are unacceptable and harmful. As a community we can:

• Learn how to recognize when friends are in an abusive relationship and give them resources for help.

• Not patronize films or publications that glorify and celebrate violence.

• Not buy products of those who advertise during violent TV programs.

• Challenge sexist and violent attitudes.

If you (or someone you know) are in an abusive relationship, there is help. Tell a friend. Get support. Contact the Student Counseling Center on the 3rd floor of Elliot Hall, x2437. Call the Women's Crisis Services in Keene at 352-3782.