Girls vs. Boys "Messages We Receive"

We all hear a wide variety of messages as we are growing up. Some are good, commonsensical advice: Eat your vegetables. Don't play in the street. Don't jump into a lake just because all your friends are doing it.

But along with this practical advice, most of us receive another kind of message, a kind not meant to protect us but to limit us:

As we grow older we learn to discard many of these sexist messages that are meant to categorize and stereotype us. Men learn to cultivate their nurturing skills as they become fathers and learn to value the relief that can come through tears shed over the loss of a beloved friend or family member. And women learn that they can be successful at a wide variety of activities and determine their own standards for appropriate behavior.

But some of these messages are hard to get rid of and the tapes play in our heads even after we stop hearing them. As some KSC students explained:

Growing Up I Heard:
"You are a girl, so be quiet."

Now As An Adult :
"I still have a tendency to hush up in conversations when men are present,...it is struggle to step out of invisibility. And I wonder, even when I am speaking, do they listen?"

Growing Up I Heard:
"Girls don't talk back."

Now As An Adult :
"I am still reluctant to talk back. I am no where near as impetuous and rebellious as I was at eight or ten or fourteen. When I attempt to talk back, I get confused and sidetracked by my anger. I am not practiced at spirited debate, an open exchange of opinions, and I find I react to others' strong opinions as my mother reacted to mine--I turn off, especially if I disagree."

IT'S TIME TO CHANGE THE TAPES.

It's time to change girls can't, into girls can...

"Now I have learned that the things I wanted to do and have done are not 'wrong.' I now do anything I would like to do from carpentry to sports. Anything that ever interested me is now my goal."

"Now I've grown and realize that those words were spoken by someone whose horzions were not very broad--a victim herself of gender bias."

"Now I play what I want, when I want, and no questions are asked....I've played softball for 13 seasons. My women's team can out play the men's team. I can prove it, but I shouldn't have to work twice as hard to show that I am equally athletic."

"Now I get outraged when I hear that phrase, 'Boys will be boys.' It not only allows 'boys' to get away with improper behaviors, but it also forces women to stay quiet about them."

And it's time for boys to recognize this change...

"I used to say, 'This is guy stuff; girls don't do that!' Now it upsets me. I almost want to apologize for my naive behavior. I still reflect back on this and hope the girl who heard this grew up to be a woman who believed she could do anything in the world, rather than someone who grew up thinking she had restrictions."

We all have some restrictions placed on us, but these shouldn't be the limitations caused by stereotypes and prejudice.

Both women and men can and should strive to achieve their goals of choice and be supported when these goals break with tradition.

IT'S TIME TO CHANGE THE TAPES WE HEARD AS CHILDREN SO THE NEXT GENERATION DOESN'T GROW UP LEARNING WHAT IT CAN'T DO, BUT ACHIEVING ALL THAT IT CAN.